Sometimes all a person really needs is a hand to hold, and a heart to care and understand.
wah! its like 1250am now. i want to sleeep, but i can't. blame it on my stomach. its been giving me enough troubles. i want to die. someone save me. wants to vomit but i can't. want to walk but im strengthless. i feel helpless la. messaged quite a number of people. but because of the time now, only 2 replied. wah, want die already. save me please somebody. tell me everything's gna be okay. cos i don't think it will. been really thinking alot this few days, all this thought are taking over my brains. and i can only stop thinking about all this when im with friends. cos i feel the warmth, i feel loved with them. but when im alone, all this thoughts keeps rushing back. i want to die. sometimes even the strongest stumble and falls. i feel like bull shit. and im finally breaking down.
insomnia has been taking over me this few days too. i feel like super tired but i can't sleep. i keep thinking and thinking, letting my thoughts run wild. then i felt really afraid. i want to know about the future. i want to. cos im afraid what im gna face next. then i blast my ears with music with my ear piece. the songs didnt help stop my thoughts from running. in fact i thought of more. there is me, lying at my bed from 11+pm till 3+am with my thoughts and songs. there is me, waking up early 6+am and my thoughts continue to run, and i can't sleep. but neither can i get myself out of bed. everything seems to kill me. i got up from bed only at 11. whatever.
the hardest part of life isnt when nobody understands me, but its when i can't even understand myself. now i understand this. cos im feeling all this right now, and it sucks ttm.
psalms 34:18 has been helping me. god is good. always. cos always, when i felt tired and helpless, he is always there to lift me up. hear his voice telling me to stay strong, keep running. when im faithless, he is always faithful. i feel it. somehow, when i feel all alone, i feel him around. thank god for the friends around me. really really duno what to do without them.
melissa> maybe you're right. many people outside there are suffering more than me. yes, i've got to pull myself together. im trying. real hard. thank you soo much for being there for me. for your help and your calls to your laughters. sorry if i have been keeping you busy, or maybe you find me irritating. stay strong alright. im here for you too. jiayou bah. :)
vivian> babe, i really miss you alot lah. we shall go out soon okay? sentosa and arena with you soon, me promise. after this week. you're always the one i called the 'xing fu' one. well, hope you're alright. though i know you're not. i know im sucha bull shit that always complain things to you. thanks for your listening ear oh. i know im irritating. cheer up bah, everything's gna be okay. for you and for me. :>
yuxin> pig ah pig, silly pig. stop sleeping so late and stop messaging me you can't sleep every single morning at 6.04am. take care of your skinny body and please eat lah. you think you super woman or what. hehez, cheer up. we're gna be alright! really. :) so if iam, you can. me love you even if he doesnt. <3
im really dying now.. save me..
